A New Dictionary of Relatively Obscure Theological Terms

A New Dictionary of Relatively Obscure Theological Terms ~ by Dave Beach
May 25, 2015 at 8:56pm
A New Dictionary of Obscure Theological Terms (revised)

These terms are not intended to disparage anyone’s beliefs, values, or ideas. All responsibility for the contents is to be nailed to the door of the above named author. Any resemblance to events or phenomenon in real life is utterly and unabridgedly intentional.

Dave Beach

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Americhristianomics – n. an idealistic perspective on political and economic policy that combines several beliefs in a variety of ways. Among these beliefs are America being a special agent of global theocratic rule and dominion, a nostalgic wish for a return to the Christianity of the revolutionary war era, efforts to reduce subsidizing programs for the poor, efforts to restrict or eliminate aid to aliens, efforts to manipulate the growth of the money supply, and some form of trickle-down stimulus to help struggling major corporations stimulate the global economy without interference from governmental regulation.

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Apologenesis – n. that moment in a rational-inductive discussion when you make something up spontaneously in order to win an argument only to realize that people actually believe you.

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Heretimusing – n. a dangerous activity of the intellect, somewhat akin to stepping on the “slippery slope,” in which a curious person ponders ideas and thoughts that would otherwise be considered heresy.

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Homileticoercion – n. a powerful and convenient rhetorical technique typically employed to address personal grievances and issues you would not otherwise address. (Most effective when carefully camouflaged to hide the fact that specific individuals or groups are being targeted.)

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Orthoholism – n. a disease characterized by an obsessive need to be right, which functions like an addiction – cf. Orthoholic. (Orthoholics Anonymous groups are uncommon for obvious reasons.)

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Orthosplankna (from Greek ὀρθός, orthos (“right”, “true”, “straight”) and σπλαγχνα, (“compassion” or “pity”, related to σπλαγχνίζομαι, “to feel compassion for”) – n. a word that means faith showing itself in love and that would have made it into the common Christian vocabulary if others like it hadn’t risen to ascendency due to a loss of orthosplankna.

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Patrianeutics – n. any number of interpretive epistemologies asserting the necessary elevation of the masculine point of view and ensuring the submission of the feminine. These approaches attempt to deemphasize stories of women leaders and characters, often leaving them unnamed, obscure, appearing only after the male characters, and lending supportive dialogue in tentative and deferring styles.

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Pelagianasia – n. the act, or practice, of killing of another person’s character and teachings in order to avoid your own suffering, or because you have a personal vendetta. (Often in a constellation of issues surrounding orthoholism. Can also include excommunicating them from all churches, and burning all their books and writings, so that people only know your side of the conflict.)

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Semi-Pelagianasia – n. (see Pelagianasia above)

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Soteriolexity – n. a sudden state of being perplexed following the awareness that the theory of salvation you’ve been preaching for years was based on selected passages that only confirmed what you would like salvation to be, and that it’s actually far more complex than several theories combined. (Usually very short-lived and easily dismissed as a lack of assurance.)

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Souliloquey – n. the act of speaking your soul’s thoughts to yourself regardless if anyone is listening.

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© characterdoctor.com

About davebeach

Sixty-something follower of Jesus, retired college instructor of Psychology and Spirituality courses, writer, mental health director, therapist, and doctor of ministry.
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